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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23974357">To Save My Soul</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoteInABottle/pseuds/NoteInABottle'>NoteInABottle</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Shizaya - Warehouse AU [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Durarara!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftercare, Conversations, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, No Angst, Overstimulation, PWP without Porn, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:16:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,870</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23974357</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoteInABottle/pseuds/NoteInABottle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Once, they had barely been able to touch without Shizuo leaving bruises, or Izaya going crazy with repressed desire. Time had worn away the worst of it, and practice had helped too."</p><p>Sometimes, it's nice to be able to just take it easy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Shizaya - Warehouse AU [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1507241</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>108</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I can't breathe," Izaya said, his voice small. He tried not to sound afraid. He wasn't. He was just slightly unnerved. The trembling still hadn't stopped, and it had been ten minutes. The heat in his veins was starting to burn and hurt as if all the blood had evaporated, and now the rest of him was starting to catch fire too. He was actually starting to feel a little sick.</p><p>Shizuo responded to the fear in his voice instantly, coming over to him immediately. Izaya made a weak gesture - open arms, an invitation. In the next moment, he was rewarded with Shizuo's body on his, solid and warm and comforting.</p><p>Shizuo tangled their legs together and pressed his fingers through Izaya's hair. His eyes were intent on Izaya's face and slightly alarmed by what he saw there.</p><p>"Are you okay?" He asked, a little guilty. "I might have gone a little too far, this time."</p><p>Izaya tried to shake his head, but the first motion just made him woozy. Instead, he just curled up against Shizuo and pressed his head against Shizuo's shoulder. <em>It's fine, I liked it.</em></p><p>Shizuo caught the first motion already and knew Izaya well enough to guess the rest of it. He braced his palm against Izaya's cheek and held him still. Izaya relaxed into that touch gratefully.</p><p>Once, they had barely been able to touch without Shizuo leaving bruises, or Izaya going crazy with repressed desire. Time had worn away the worst of it, and practice had helped too.</p><p>"Your heart is beating <em>really</em> fast," Shizuo said quietly. His hand was still pressed against Izaya's face, but now he had his wrist along the side of Izaya's neck as well. Izaya could feel his heart like a wild animal inside him, writhing and fighting to burst out of his chest.</p><p><em>Yeah</em>, he wanted to say. <em>That's what tends to happen when you fuck me slowly for hours on end.</em></p><p>But he didn't think he would be able to get all the words out, not feeling as shaky as he did just then. He couldn't even manage a baleful glare, to try and make Shizuo laugh.</p><p>Shizuo wrapped his arms around Izaya, and the warmth that radiated out from his chest and his skin did something to soothe the anxious tremors. With Shizuo's arms around him, Izaya finally started to breathe normally again.</p><p>"Good," Shizuo said quietly, encouragingly. "That's better." He pressed a kiss against Izaya's hair, simple and sweet. Then, he buried his face in Izaya's shoulder and squeezed gently.</p><p>Of course, this being Shizuo, <em>gently</em> meant that all of Izaya's air got squeezed out of his lungs, and Izaya lost all the progress he had made in recovering his breath.</p><p>When Shizuo's arms eased, Izaya pulled one of his fingers up to his mouth and bit Shizuo's index finger. Hard.</p><p>"I suppose I deserved that," Shizuo said, rather amused.</p><p>Izaya made a muffled sound that meant <em>yes</em>, trying to sound annoyed and instead just sounding petulant and childish. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to settle his overstimulated nerves. Talking was still difficult.</p><p>Shizuo's heartbeat was steady and calm, in sharp contrast to the wild, uneven beating of Izaya's heart. Izaya tried to match breaths, tried to calm down. If he could recover in time, maybe they could go another round.</p><p>His body wailed in protest at just the thought, and that finally made Izaya give up. He was probably done for the night, totally and absolutely spent. They had been teasing each other all day, with heated looks and whispered words. It was rare for both of them to have a day off, and by mid-afternoon Shizuo had finally lost his patience, had pulled Izaya into the bedroom and spent the next few hours fucking him, slowly and deliberately, not stopping even after Izaya had come for the fifth time, not even stopping when he cried.</p><p>Yeah, that was probably enough. It would be insanity to still want <em>more.</em></p><p>And yet, with Shizuo lying next to him so peacefully, his fingers in Izaya's hair, his chest against Izaya's back, and his arm under Izaya's head...</p><p>"I'm sorry," Izaya said, still short on breath, so his words were lacking their usual grace. "I'm still -"</p><p>"It's okay," Shizuo soothed. He pulled his knuckles gently away from Izaya's teeth, and smoothed a hand across Izaya's chest, down to his stomach, where the Izaya stopped him.</p><p>"There," he said, with his hands as well as his words. "Keep your hands there. That helps."</p><p>"Okay," Shizuo said, ever so obediently. He ruined it by nipping Izaya's ear though as if saying <em>but please, let me do you already. I still want you. Hurry.</em></p><p>Izaya's little growl of complaint only amused Shizuo even more.</p><p>"Okay, okay," Shizuo laughed. Then he took a deep breath and patiently waited until Izaya moved again.</p><p>.</p><p>Thirty minutes later, when Izaya's heart rate <em>still </em>wasn't back to normal, Izaya made a frustrated noise against the crook of Shizuo's arm, which was wrapped around his chest.</p><p><em>I want to recover</em>, he thought petulantly. <em>He's right here, and I can't jump his bones because my bones are still rattling from the last round.</em></p><p>Of course, the last round had really been the last <em>five</em> rounds, one after another, in a dizzying string of orgasms, each more intense and desperate and draining than the last. But still.</p><p>Shizuo came out of his trance, and placed a gentle kiss into Izaya's hair, with no pressure behind it.</p><p>"How are you feeling?" He asked. "You're still trembling a little."</p><p><em>Am not</em>, Izaya wanted to say. But he didn't want to get caught out in a lie.</p><p>"A bit better," Izaya said. He was breathing more easily now, and the shaking had at least gone down to trembling instead. The warmth from Shizuo's body was slowly soaking into his skin and chasing out the chill of panic from earlier. Izaya pressed back against him gratefully and was pleased to discover that it felt <em>good</em>. That was definitely an improvement from earlier when just the slightest touch had been too much for his overstimulated nerves.</p><p>"A <em>lot</em> better," Izaya corrected, feeling a huge amount of tension leave his body. He had been afraid that he'd be stuck like that forever, but it seemed that he <em>was </em>recovering. It was just happening slowly.</p><p>"Good," Shizuo said, a little too hopeful.</p><p>"But don't move," Izaya ordered, and then did some mental math. "Give me another 15 minutes."</p><p>.</p><p>Fifteen minutes later, Shizuo got up, leaned over Izaya, and kissed him gently but thoroughly.</p><p>When he pulled back, Izaya's head swam with how dizzy he felt, at how good it felt.</p><p>Shizuo's breath caught as Izaya leaned up toward him, searching for more kisses. They kissed again, long and slow, like they had all the time in the world.</p><p>"Fuck," Shizuo whispered, sounding just as winded as Izaya felt. "You look really sexy right now."</p><p>Izaya huffed a breath of laughter, but he was too dazed to come up with a joke. Instead, he just reached up and brushed Shizuo's hair out of his face, just with his fingertips, too light to do anything more than touch.</p><p>For a moment, Shizuo hesitated, watching him so intently that Izaya could feel it. Izaya managed a small, inviting grin. Then, Shizuo dipped down, and kissed him with a ravenous kind of hunger, biting at his lower lip and sliding his knee in between Izaya's legs.</p><p>Then the surge of arousal Izaya felt ran up against the total exhaustion of his body, and Izaya closed his mouth around the whimper of pain that threatened to come out.</p><p>But it was too late, Shizuo had already heard it, and was now pulling away hastily. He was still breathing hard, but not as hard as Izaya, who now curled up around this new rattling in his chest.</p><p>"Sorry," Shizuo rushed to say, but Izaya shook his head.</p><p>"Another 15 minutes," Izaya said, a little apologetically. "I'm sorry."</p><p>Shizuo brushed his knuckles across Izaya's cheek and went back to laying down next to him, wrapping Izaya in his arms. "You have nothing to be sorry about," he said firmly. "Don't be ridiculous."</p><p>Izaya tried to bite him. <em>Nobody</em> called him ridiculous. But when he couldn't reach any skin, he gave up.</p><p>.</p><p>After that, when Izaya leaned over Shizuo and tried to press their bodies together, and <em>still</em> felt a dull ache instead of the sparks he wanted flaring up his spine, he groaned in frustration.</p><p>"Dammit," he <em>wanted</em> this.</p><p>Shizuo caught his face in his hands. "What's the matter?"</p><p>"I'm sorry," Izaya said, too rattled to hide how upset he was. "I can't - I don't know how to-"</p><p>Shizuo soothed him with a kiss to the forehead. "We don't <em>have</em> to have sex, you know." He pointed out, "We could just cuddle and talk. I don't want to hurt you."</p><p>"But you're turned on, aren't you?"</p><p>"So?"</p><p>Izaya hadn't expected that, so he hesitated for a moment too long, at a loss for words.</p><p>Shizuo realized what was going on, and immediately pulled Izaya into a hug. "Izaya," he said, a little exasperated. "We don't have to fuck in order to prove anything. I love you. I'll love you even if something terrible happens and I can never touch you again."</p><p>Izaya glanced at him, and then away. "I know," he said, a little imperiously, but the last knot of tension drained out of him, and the trembling stopped completely.</p><p>Shizuo felt it too. His sudden grin was a little too knowing for Izaya's taste.</p><p>"Shush," Izaya said, even though Shizuo hadn't been about to say anything.</p><p>Shizuo didn't say anything, but he didn't stop grinning either. After a moment, Izaya smiled back at him helplessly. It was hard to feel bad when Shizuo was looking at him like that.</p><p>The sensation of stillness inside him, after such a long time, was almost overwhelming. It was like coming back to land after spending a whole day and night lost at sea. It hadn't exactly been scary - Shizuo had been right next to him the entire time. But still, the feeling was welcome.</p><p>Izaya pushed himself upright, and stretched his arms above his head, feeling all of his muscles tense and relax. Shizuo watched him with his head propped up on one arm, warm and relieved, and his eyes still caught on the inside of Izaya's wrist and the arch of his back.</p><p>All of a sudden, Izaya felt <em>good</em>, all warm and soft inside, and so satisfied and sleepy that he could hardly keep his eyes open.</p><p>Deciding not to fight it, he laid back down and curled up into Shizuo's embrace a little deliberately. He felt the press of Shizuo's length in front of his slacks, and the way Shizuo's breath caught. But Shizuo didn't make any move, and just settled his chin against the top of Izaya's head.</p><p>"I love you," Izaya said, later, into the companionable silence.</p><p>Shizuo laughed, and his voice was all warmth and no strain.</p><p>"I know."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I'm so <em>bored</em>," Izaya whined. He threw himself over Shizuo's body, pushing aside the magazine in his hands. His forehead flopped dramatically onto Shizuo's chest. "I'm gonna <em>die</em>."</p><p>"I thought you were having fun in those chat rooms," Shizuo said, amused. He set down his magazine and began running his hands along Izaya's back. They trailed over the rise of his ass, and down Izaya's legs. Izaya shivered and pressed in against Shizuo gratefully.</p><p>"Everyone's busy," Izaya said. He knew he sounded childish, but he didn't care. Shizuo huffed a breath of laughter at his tone. "Nobody has time to gossip during the holidays. It's a freaking wasteland in there. I have <em>nothing to do</em>."</p><p>"Well, that's not good," Shizuo replied, trying to sound serious. "If you're bored, who knows what kind of trouble you'll stir up?"</p><p>Izaya lifted his head just enough to fix him with a threatening stare. "What do you mean by that? Are you calling me a troublemaker? Are you implying that I haven't learned my lesson"</p><p>"Your words," Shizuo's hands pressed against his ass again, sending a warm jolt of heat through Izaya's body. "Not mine."</p><p>Izaya shifted a little into a slightly better position, grinding against Shizuo as he did so. "I'm trying not to cause you any more trouble," he said earnestly. "Do you know what that's like for me? I don't even know the names of any gangs in this city."</p><p>Shizuo's gaze softened, and he brushed a fond kiss against Izaya's arm.</p><p>"I need some excitement in my life," Izaya told him. "Or I'm gonna die from boredom."</p><p>"Do you want me to try killing you?" Shizuo asked jokingly.</p><p>Izaya paused.</p><p>Shizuo's hands stilled around his waist. He searched Izaya's face and blinked at what he saw there.</p><p>"You're not saying no," he observed.</p><p>Izaya bit his lip, but there <em>was </em>a buzz of electricity in his veins right now, a reaction to some perceived threat, even though Shizuo's hands were still relaxed and gentle against his skin. "I don't think it will be that easy for you to kill me," he said finally.</p><p>Shizuo pressed his hands down slightly on Izaya's back, and the pressure made Izaya gasp. He was still watching Izaya's face for a reaction, but there was a dark amusement in his eyes now. "That sounded like a dare," he said.</p><p>"How are you planning to do it?" Izaya asked breathlessly. He tried to sound scornful. "Crushing my ribs? I don't think that will be enough."</p><p>After a moment of consideration, Shizuo shook his head a little. "That probably wouldn't be the best way to go about it."</p><p>"My neck?" Izaya guessed. Shizuo nodded.</p><p>"Easier," he said. His hands were still pressing firmly against Izaya's skin, like shackles that would be impossible to remove. His eyes were fixed on the column of Izaya's neck. "For suffocation."</p><p>"You wouldn't break it?"</p><p>"I think that's a bit harder to do."</p><p>Izaya's breath came shallowly. Even though he felt no real sense of danger, his skin was prickling into goosebumps, and he was intensely aware of the monstrous amount of strength in each of Shizuo's fingers. He smiled down into Shizuo's face, and Shizuo stared back, a little exasperated.</p><p>"Tell me more," Izaya purred, and Shizuo laughed.</p><p>His fingers came up to the base of Izaya's skull. Izaya leaned into that touch, just a little. "Or I could press my fingers here with all of my strength. The skull is pretty thin, here. I could do some real damage that way."</p><p>Izaya shivered. A warm sensation flickered down his spine, starting from where Shizuo had placed his fingers. He arched his back a little, and his vision hazed out as Shizuo's fingers pressed in lightly.</p><p>"Fuck," Shizuo whispered with an edge of disbelief behind his endless dark gaze. "You're really something, you know that, Izaya?"</p><p>"I know," Izaya replied, and leaned down to kiss him.</p><p>.</p><p>Shizuo's fingers were always gentle on his skin, a little too careful, a little too controlled, unless Izaya could make him forget, just for a while, that he possessed inhuman strength. He was doing that now, making sounds of pleasure directly into Shizuo's ear, soft and pleading, both out of a desire to turn the other on and out of genuine helpless reaction. It was always both, with Shizuo.</p><p>Sometimes, Izaya wondered why Shizuo had this effect on him. Surely, it wasn't like this for everyone else. Maybe it was because they were both guys, and could handle more pain than normal couples did. Maybe it was because of Shizuo's inhuman strength and stamina, and Izaya's overwhelming desire to possess it, all of it. He sometimes didn't understand how people on the street could react to Shizuo with fear rather than desire. How could they not shiver with heat at the way he radiated danger?</p><p>"It's just you," Shizuo had said, laughing, when Izaya tried to work it out.</p><p>Shizuo's fingers moved onto the side of his neck, and caught against a small circular scar there, the remnants of a metal disk that had been implanted there a few months ago, and then removed soon after. The surgery had been rough and had left a scar.</p><p>Izaya didn't have to see Shizuo's face to see the sudden spasm of guilt that crossed it, the way it killed him to see this scar on Izaya's skin.</p><p>"You know, your scars are much worse," Izaya said, reaching out to tracing over one of them. On Shizuo's back, old scars made long, neat ridges that looked both surgical and violent at once. Izaya frowned at them. His nails scraped over one.</p><p>"Don't do that," Shizuo said sharply.</p><p>Izaya jerked back instantly, wide-eyed. "Sorry."</p><p>Shizuo blew out a tense breath. "No, it's fine, it just -"</p><p>Izaya's gaze softened, and his mouth twisted with guilt. "I'll make it up to you one day," he said.</p><p>"You already have."</p><p>When they curl up to sleep, Izaya blows on his scars instead of kissing them, and it's as good as a touch, and warmer, too.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The title is there because of legacy reasons / I might have written this a year ago.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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